Life with running

I read a lot about running and recently have been reading about recovering addicts. I also read about people who find running and it changes their lives. The best is when a recovering addict finds running. I think those stories are great. I sometime wish that I had similar stories of finding sport. Mine is just slightly different...

I started running at a very early age. I was probably only seven or eight years old. I ran on the local track team my dad helped coach. I got my start as a sprinter because that's what my older brother did. I was mediocre. After two or so seasons, I got my chance to run the mile, and that's when I found running...

After that first mile...
That was it...
I was hooked and never ran less than the 800m again. 

That single mile would change my life in so many ways that I didn't even know of at the time.

I loved every minute of running at that age. I would get lost in the tree tops from the high. I would get lost for hours running through the North Jersey burbs for "training". I had no structure, no training plan, no tapering or periodization, I could just run. It was simple then...

I've run ever since. I have run almost my entire adult life. Some years I might have run just a couple hundred miles the entire year, and others over 2,000 miles. On more than a dozen of those years I even added in swimming and biking when I was a triathlete... But I've always had running.

I'm not a fair weather runner. Actually pretty far from it. I prefer the elements, the tougher the better. Blizzard conditions, -10 below zero, over a hundred degrees, bring it on...I can remember my run in the rain on my wedding day just as well as I remember my run on the day of my friends passing. I can easily recall running to the finish with my girls after a week long stage race. It's not always easy for me though. I struggle with motivation, fitness, time, burnout and over-training... When I do overcome those obstacles, the act of running is still simple. Fresh air, heart pumping, lungs burning... running.

I have used running to shake off a hangover. I have used running as transportation. I have used running to get lost and explore.I have used running to help keep me grounded. It's been there for me through the thick and thin.Running has always been a part of me, that thing I can just do. That thing I can always rely on to be there to clear my head of all other thoughts and just move. Running gives me that mental reset. Running gives me that endorphin rush, that high that I've chased for so many years. I work through my lifes' problems while running. I find answers to lifes' riddles that puzzle me otherwise.

Life for me without running is hard to imagine. Even though I have to work harder now to achieve my goals, eat right, structure my season, running is still just as enjoyable as it was back on that track so many years ago... I am thankful that I've had running for so many years of my life and have used it at times when I've needed it most. 

So... I will set my alarm...set out my running clothes tonight... and chase away those negative thoughts...the self doubt... and attack my run tomorrow.

Reflections...

25 years ago...
The train windows flash the passing stations creating the effect that we're moving faster than reality...
The train car rattles and softly sways giving opposite sensations of complete loss of control and slight comfort. The rhythms collide and become hypnotic. It's midnight, or so...and I'm just trying to get to Port Authority. My heart is racing and my body is perspiring from my angst and the warmth of the subway platform. My mind has slowed...almost at ease, calm.  Hypnotic...

Colorado Trail...
The beam of light from my headlamp creates tunnel vision and at this point its entrancing. My peripherals are lost in the shadows and the overhead cover of the forest makes an even tighter squeeze of the night. It's midnight, or so...and I'm just trying to get to May Queen Aid.The trail falls with twists and turns, rocks and roots, making my pace both an uncontrolled stumble and something closer to running. My heart is in a race and racing, but my head is calm and focused. The rhythms collide and become hypnotic.

...and then it becomes familiar. I've felt this before...I've survived this before...and now I am reliving it. Totally different, but just the same. In this moment, I am both scared and invincible.

Tunnel Vision

These two moments couldn't be farther from each other.... The first is my recollection of  running wild in NYC. With my head full of cocaine I was riding the A Train out of Spanish Harlem.The second is mile 83 of the Leadville Trail 100. I am bombing down one of the tricky sections of trail racing the clock.

These addictions are similar in that I'm chasing the high and that my tolerances leave me wanting more, needing more. My mind is comfortable with the chaos and feels at ease while the world moves at a different rhythm. I love that section of trail even after 85 miles and I loved that train ride as much.

I no longer use those substances and choose to find my highs in sport and life. I am fortunate to have these as an outlet. My outcome could have been so much worse.

By no means am I promoting either of these as "healthy". These are just my experiences and how I see the similarities...

Midnight by Coldplay

Om Shanti...

Ganesha at the Denver Zoo

I often write about my trail adventures hence the name of this blog. As much as running has changed and shaped my life, I often see running as taking the drivers seat and all others forms of exercise falling to the trunk. I can talk...a lot...about running...

I was in a yoga class this past week and reflecting... reflecting on how long I've been practicing yoga. I cant actually remember when but I am sure my first class was well over fifteen years ago. I am sure I started because I was a stiff and tight triathlete and I thought that it might help. I remember thinking that I was just there for the physical properties of yoga and all the "Om" stuff was for those other..yogi's. 

It started just that innocently.
It was soon after those first few classes when I recall that one time... the one time that the "Om" actually vibrated... it actually vibrated my body... and my ears...and what seamed like the room!
It was only for a moment and I soon dismissed it as a fluke. I mean, that doesn't really happen... right?

Buddha at the Denver Aquarium

That one vibration...changed the why and how I practice yoga. Sure, there are the physical benefits to an active yoga practice. And sure I stay healthy as a runner and ward off injury when I practice on a regular basis....but those were not the main reasons anymore. I began to learn the translation of some Sanskrit words and feel  empowered by their meaning. I began buying books on yoga... and read and reread them. I sought out different types of practices and tried them. I started to hear the messages that were being passed along. I started to see the changes in my mindset. I was transforming...

...and so back to me reflecting in my sunrise yoga class...and how far I have come... and how the process has manifested into what it is at this current moment. It amazes me how things change, and recreate themselves, into something else entirely.
...And I sit there in my comfortable position thankful that I showed up that first day, and thankful for the encouragement of the practice, and... just thankful...Namaste

Adrenaline Junkies....

I get it, the bigger the better. Its the way of our culture. If one is good, then 20 must be mind blowing...
In my athletic experience, 5k's are the gateway to the 10k, and then your finding yourself signing up for that half marathon... Sprint Triathlon to 70.3 Half Ironman... I don't think I'm alone with these thoughts, but I also know that others may not relate.

2008 at Tempe Town Lake

I've been there- done that- all the way through the Ironman to the 100 mile run... but where does it end? When will it all be enough?
If its not the distance, its a Personal Best. Speed and distance are interchangeable for me, for these "Natural Progressions". As options continue to grow in race distances, so do I in the desire to try and race faster than my previous PB. I often drift off in thought of how awesome a 3 hour marathon finish would be and of completing some of the worlds toughest endurance foot races... Boston in 2019, the Badwater 135, oooh...and the Moab 240...But would those be enough? Could I just mic drop and walk off?

2010 in Winfield

I get a huge sense of accomplishment from these event, and even more so the harder or tougher they are. Ironman was a 5 year plan for me. I raced my first Sprint Triathlon in 2001 and realized my dreams of an Ironman were possible at that awards lunch. "Anything Is Possible" is the Ironman mantra for a reason... But soon after these events I find myself still looking, still searching. That sense of completion and accomplishment doesn't end there, it leaves me wanting more.  But more of what?
This past summer, as I was completing one of the tougher events I've done, I found myself daydreaming of even tougher longer events. As I brought my mind back to the present moment, it got me thinking that I may never answer this question. This process will be as long as it needs to be to see the end.
I was recently asked what my best race is. My thought out answer is that my best race is in front of me. It hasn't happened yet. My best might be my next half marathon or 50 miler, or another one of my bucket list adventures.  When it happens, that best race is only a short lived moment as I will shoot for something even better, faster, farther...
It's that dangly carrot that I continue to chase...

The constant pursuit... 

Onward and Upwards...

 * Updated 5.15.18*

It's been 18 months of sobriety and so much good has come from it! When I think about my drinking, I can't recall any good that had come from it... a couple fun times but mostly pain and struggles. This story below was the breaking point for me. I had known that I needed to change, but was waiting for a moment, an event to define the need for action. Boy did I get lucky.

Wow...
A year...
December 9th, 2016
...sometimes it feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago, both wrapped up in the same moment.

That night started like many of the nights before it. Dinner with the family in town, and drinks. Back to the house, and a few more drinks. I ride my bike to the neighbors, and drink more....
...and then its blank...

That's the routine. Sometimes a bit different, maybe the bar, or a party of sorts, some type of gathering, anything really. It wasn't that I needed a reason, I could find one.
...this time was different though...
This time I crash my bike and I'm hurt badly.
This time I need surgery to fix my drinking problem.
This time my face looks so bad that my girls are afraid of me.
This time somethings gotta change....

They say that hind sight is 20-20 and if I'm being truthful with myself, my drinking was out of control. It's hard to see clearly in the middle of the storm. This particular moment wasn't the first sign, but the straw...
I feel fortunate that this was my outcome, that I didn't hurt anyone else, physically. Like many of us, I have many more flaws to work through.Without alcohol to hide behind, its much easier to get moving in the right direction.
Sometimes you get an opportunity to look at a failure as a time to grow. This is that for me.

I tell people now that I broke my face, and quite literally I did. I broke a bad habit too...

Me and my Girls- post surgery

Limitless...

I had an idea about this post. I had some notes written down. I was going to fill it with boring stuff for most of you...excuses of my DidNotFinish at Run Rabbit Run 100...finishing Chicago's Marathon...end of season racing plans...and my hopes and dreams of next years season. Even as I read what I just wrote, it sounds boring...vanilla.

This past weekend, I witnessed something purely amazing. The inaugural Moab 240 mile endurance run. That's not a misprint- 240 MILES, they rounded up from the actual mileage of 238.3 miles. I volunteered myself to pace a new friend who was attempting to complete the triple crown of 200+ mile events, this being the last in the trifecta. I wanted to see it for myself and only a few hours drive away, why not!
What a privilege it was.
The perseverance of achieving such a feet was incredible to witness. These athletes' heart, strength, and determination is immeasurable and contagious. They show the pure essence of limitless and how the mind is our only barrier. Beyond words...
Mike did amazing finishing third at the event and winning the triple crown! Congrats!!

The Ironman World Championships in Kona Hawaii was this past Saturday as well. This race has so much history. Canadian Lionel Sanders was second overall as well as owning the second fastest bike split on that course. He was passes at mile 23 of the marathon, less that 5k from winning the World Championship. In his race recap, he says it only motivates him to do more...What a humble competitor.
German Jan Frodeno was the favorite to win as the two time defending champ wearing race number 1. It wasn't his day. He stopped and walked a bit of the run dealing with hamstring/lower back pains. He didn't quit though. He persevered through to finish. Even in discomfort and the loss of glory, he managed to honor himself and all the competitors by going on.

I can only hope to learn from these experiences. I can hope to use my experiences as motivation. I can hope to persevere through.  I can hope that my mind can take my body, when my body hesitates.

Lionel Sanders:
"From my experience, it appears that there are no limits, other than the self-created and imposed ones that only exist in your mind."

...And Miles To Go Before I Sleep.

This has been one helluva season of racing and training. My running has brought me to all sorts of new places as well as revisiting some old stomping grounds. 

Maroon Bells "road" run in winter

In January, I began a challenge of running everyday for the month. It's design was to get a quick bit of fitness to pace a friend at Rocky Raccoon 100. I did my challenge and then ran 87 consecutive days after totaling 118 days and 709 miles. 

February brought me to that pacing gig - didn't pan out for my friend and I was only able to get a ten miler in at Huntsville State Park. It's always nice to wear shorts and a tank in February though!

April 1st Thomas and I knocked out the Zion Traverse. That has been a long standing bucket list run. Read my post about it here. 

Zion

Angels Landing Zion

June brought with it the Ragnar Trail Relay in Snowmass Village. Racing on a team of family, and new and old friends was exciting.Our non-competitive team was 8th overall! A few weeks later I raced the Desert RATS Kokopelli 150 stage race. This was another bucket list route (failed miserably twice on single push bike attempts). What an awesome experience! I met so many new friends and pushed myself to new limits. Another post about this week can be found here.

Kokopelli Trail

In July, I got a taste of "wild and tough". I had planned to pace a friend at the Hardrock 100. Again, that didn't pan out. I did manage to volunteer for trail clean up and thoroughly enjoyed some new friends and checking out all the hype of Hardrock. It did not disappoint. I am hooked and will be back to volunteer until I can get in. I summit-ed  my local Mt. Sopris as well as ran up to Sunlight Ski Resort and did two laps of the 4 Pass Loop, all on the regular circuit for local trail running.

Last Pass of the 4 Pass Loop

Island Lake

August brought on the Leadville Trail 100. This race is what started it all for me as an ultra runner. I did not get to toe the line this time. My role was crew and pacer, and again, my runner didn't make it...I did enjoy the racer meeting and camping with my newly engaged friends and watching the race from the role of crew. I did two scouting missions to Steamboat Springs, running on some new to me trails and exploring.  I also made an attempt at the Ten Mile Traverse, running the ridge of peaks 1-10 from Frisco to Breckenridge. I only got peaks 1-8...It will stay on the bucket list...

Ten Mile Traverse

As I reflect back on my year in running, I can't help but to be grateful for all the places it has taken me. In the next few days I will be toeing the line for the Run Rabbit Run 100 in Steamboat Springs, Co. Its a big deal to me. I have put in a lot of work for this. It will be the culmination of an entire training season, 9+ months. It is not the end though. It's just another stepping stone in the journey.... 

...and miles to go...